Drive Slowly and Carry a Big Shotgun.....

*****Due the the sensitive nature of the information disseminated in the blog post, not to mention the fact that it contains details pertinent to national security, all names will be concealed for the protection of those involved*****

"If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart."

If a deer stands in the middle of the road, you simply step on the brake and hit them with the cart.

There is a storm coming; no, the storm has already arrived.  The leaves tremble as fear travels down their delicate veins.  Our worst fears have been realized, A fire is rising, a revolt is coming.  Deer have begun to commit acts of terrorism against the United States of America due to what they believe to be incorrect interpretations of their character in Disney movies.  GASP!!!! 

Please, contemplate the gravity of what you have just read.

Please, stop contemplating the gravity of what you have just read.  

I too, was skeptical when a reliable source gave this information.  Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, my ignorance did not last. Last night I came face to face (or at least body to front of car) with my doubts.  My father was boldly navigating the perilous I-64 with its long straightaways that can lull a man to sleep easier than the sound of rain gently hitting the roof, like millions of tiny marbles dropping on a lane in a bowling alley.

Me and my brother were doing our best to counter the hypnotic powers of the blacktop.  Then, we saw an unusual sight. 

A deer, was walking across the road, just crossing into the right lane which we happened to be driving in.  Seeing as the deer didn't know we would be driving back so late, we decide to forgive his intrusion and we calmly slowed down and moved into the left lane.  It was here that we encountered the ugly truth.  This deer, this "poor innocent" deer, KNEW (aka was aware of, found out, was not surprised by, etc.) we would be coming.  Just as we had settled into the left lane, the deer stopped, turned around, and leaped into the left lane! Inconceivable, unacceptable, unconstitutional, and downright "retributionable"!! And you better believe we got retribution.

I know "retributionable" is not a word. It was added for humorous purposes. A little artistic license, if you will. Pretend I'm a poet if it makes you feel better.
**** This comment was added after the post was originally published****

The story resumes now.

We hit that sucker full on and it was a unholy impact. He (it was a buck with a full rack of antlers) bounced off the front of the car, hit the ground, then tried to bounce on the the hood of the car to inflict maximum damage by hitting the windshield but Michael (with impeccable timing) flew down and slammed him back to the ground. The car hit him again, he rolled a couple of times as he was pushed by the car (although by this time he was probably closer to being venison than a deer) and then he shot like a rocket into the grass next to the road.

Me and my brother, like all decent, self respecting, humble men, were silent in shocked stupor as Dad pulled the car off the road.  If others had under gone this experience I'm sure an accurate account of their experience would be filled with these particular characters: #,$,%, and * and I would not condemn them for it.  After all, not many people know what to do when the abyss looks back.

As Dad promptly called the insurance company to report the accident I, being cognizant that we probably wouldn't be able to drive home, had the presence of mind to text my sister and inform her of our current predicament (seeing as she was already in town digging into the Word with her college fellowship).  Unfortunately, she had turned her cell phone off so she wouldn't be distracted and neglected to turn it back on until after she had passed us on the highway (a mere twenty minutes after my text).

Eventually, the tow truck arrived but we couldn't leave until we had given our statements to certain agencies with three letter abbreviations.   While Dad was giving his statement, I thanked the tow truck driver for showing up.  He said no problem and then, with the promise that I would not reveal his name, told me that this was the FOURTH attack he had visited in two days. Not 1, not 2, not 3,  but 4 attacks, all within seven miles of each other.  Imagine how many attacks have occurred across the nation.  Thankfully, the Lord had stirred several people to pray that night and I believed it played an integral part in the partial failure of this mission.  For while no one was hurt, our vehicle was injured in the attack. I know my father  would appreciate it if you could keep him in your prayers.

These are serious times we live in.  It has become clear that the deer you see in your backyard are actually advanced recon troops hacking into your Wi-Fi to gather critical intel   They are examining human behavior so they can better understand our driving patterns.  I believe that they have accidentally begun to eat marijuana plants which explains their brazen attitude.

While these developments are dire we must remember the words of John F. Kennedy when confronted by a Zombie attack in the Pentagon. "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Lock and load!!"

As all ways, this is T.M.B.H.G.W.I.N.S. signing off.  Remember, if you follow my advice, success shall follow you like a stray dog chasing cars.

Not the Batman Movie We Deserve, But The One We Need Right Now

Christopher Nolan has once again shown us what a real movie looks like.  If the Avengers was a comic book The Dark Knight Rises is a work of literature. This isn't the movie to take little Jimmy to for his birthday.  This movie is brutal, violent, epic, emotional, intense, suspenseful, and ultimately a fitting conclusion to Nolan's Batman Trilogy.

Christian Bale earned his cowl in this movie. The dude knocked it out of the park. Like, into the next state out of the park.  The range of emotions he displayed were just of the charts.  I would say more but I will save it for my spoiler heavy review.

I had two dreams about Bane before I saw TDKR and one after I got back from the movie.  Needless to say, they were borderline night terrors (if you don't know what a night terror is search Daffy Duck Night Terror on Youtube). Tom Hardy was a bad you-know-what, ruthless and intimidating. I wouldn't want to be caught in the same state as him, let alone the same room.

Anne Hathaway was better than I expected as Catwoman, her very first scene displays the diversity of her acting skills.  She also gets some of the funniest, and best, lines of the film along with having a mean roundhouse kick.

Michael Caine was fantastic as Alfred.  He has some of the most emotional scenes of the movie and he nails every one of them.

Morgan Freeman was very good as Lucius Fox and Marion Cotillard was pretty good in her role as well.  

Gary Oldman was great as Commissioner Gordon. His guilt at hiding the secret about Harvey Dent's true character emanates from him.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt owns the screen as Police Detective John Blake.  His optimism is extremely refreshing in a movie this dark and depressing.

Hans Zimmer delivers his greatest score yet, the music is an integral part of the film especially with the musical themes that fit the characters so well.

The fight scenes are the best of the trilogy.  The camera is away from fighters, which enables you to see everything that is going on.   There is a lot of action but it always has a reason.  Nolan never blows something up without a reason and the fights are always extremely personal (not to mention brutal).

The final act is just 35 minutes of pure adrenaline rush during which I didn't move.  I stopped eating, I stopped drinking, I may even have stopped breathing I was so caught up in what was going on.

I really can't say much more without spoiling the film, so I will right a spoiler heavy review after I see it again.  I will say this, The Dark Knight Rises is the best movie, By Far, that I have ever seen and it should be required watching for every U.S. citizen.  Go see it as soon as you have 3 free hours and you will not regret it.  

As one character says in the movie, "Oh boy, you are in for a show tonight, son". 

The Amazing Spider-Man Review - No Spoilers!!!

Let me start off by saying that I am a fan of the Raimi Spider-Man series especially the first film.  A lot of people like Spider-Man 2 the best (while Spider-Man 3 is universally criticized) but I only watch it for the action scenes which are incredible considering when the movie was made.

Let me start the review. First of all, The Amazing Spider-Man is the best Spider-Man movie to date. TASM is much more of an origin story than the '02 version and is closer to the comic book origin in some ways.  Peter Parker is in high school for the entirety of this film which is cool considering he is high school during the early comic stories.  Some of you may recall that PP graduates from high school after about 2/5ths of the '02 version.  Keeping PP in high school allowed them to do some really cool things with the plot of the story especially with one really cool action sequence that happens there (keep your eyes peeled for the Stan Lee cameo).

The plot is pretty simple.  Peter Parker is an orphan whose parents left him with his aunt and uncle when he was very young.  However, even though his parents are not physically present they do play a large part in the movie.  Peter also has to deal with the school bully, Flash Thompson, the girl he likes, Gwen Stacy, and a scientist who used to know his father, Curt Connors.  Peter gets bitten by a spider and the movie takes off from there.

Andrew Garfield is fantastic as Peter Parker, if I had not known he was British, I would have thought he was American.  The most impressive thing about his performance was how he physically approached the role.  His ability to express how Peter is feeling just by titling his head a certain way or by looking uncomfortable was great. Plus he did is own stunts which is always a bonus.

Emma Stone was great as Gwen Stacy, who I liked much for than Mary-Jane from the previous series although my dislike of MJ has more to do with how the character was utilized than Kirsten Dunst's performance.  There is one bad thing about Emma Stone playing Gwen Stacy.  Most of you don't know this but Gwen Stacy dies in the comics. And doesn't come back. EVER.  I personally have no desire to see Emma Stone die, so I am hoping that if they decide to kill her character in a future film, they will cast another actress to die in her stead. OR they can die her hair red and let her play Mary Jane when they introduce her to the story.  That's my best case scenario.

The rest of the cast is pretty good, and I liked Martin Sheen and Sally Field as Uncle Ben and Aunt May better than their previous counter parts.  The action is really great and Spider-Man is extremely creative with all of the different ways he can use his webbing.  The only thing that didn't wow me was the music.  I didn't dislike the music, but it wasn't nearly as memorable as the score for the previous series.  Despite that little nitpick, I really liked the movie and I am eagerly anticipating seeing it again.

My score is currently a 8.5/10 for the first showing but I will update the score after I see it again.  In my opinion, this is definite must see.

How to Catch Vermin: Special Edition: The Dark Side of Free Will

I'm sure that many of your are thinking that this post will discuss the moral degeneration of America.  You are 14.5632656462626% correct. I am actually writing about a disturbing phenomena that I recently heard about.  Apparently, some fine Floridians  have bought several species of snakes that are not indigenous to the U.S. and released them into the wild when they got to big to care for.

My first question is this, if a person likes snakes enough to buy one, how big would it have to be for that person to believe it is to big to care for. Well in several articles I read today, these snakes have grown to be around 13 feet long (think about this, if it were standing on its tail, its head would be at the TOP of the backboard of a basketball hoop) and can get to be 20 feet long and up to 200 frickin' pounds.  These snakes are so big that they can go toe to toe with alligators and panthers. ALLIGATORS AND PANTHERS. Uh, Houston, we have a problem.  

Why in the name of all that is good and civilized on this earth, would someone KNOWINGLY release a creature that can swim and has tremendous stealth skills into the wild.  Which leads us back to the title of this article.  Free will allows people to be really stupid. Like, releasing animals that can eat the neighbors' kids kind of stupid.  You think I'm exaggerating? One South Florida python ate a 76 pound deer and that, ain't no lie.  We all know that the zombie apocalypse is not real. But to be frank, if I had to choose between fighting a zombie or anaconda invasion (another one of the breeds that has been released in Florida) I would probably flip a coin.

Finally, researchers discovered that these snakes can survive very cold temperatures.  In fact, it wasn't until temperatures dropped below freezing for several nights in a row that the snakes died. 

But there is some good news.  These creatures can be killed by modern day fire arms like shotguns, missile launchers, and flamethrowers.  I would also recommend investing in a couple of gallons of liquid nitrogen for good measure. In addition, the Florida government has begun to take efforts to eliminate these creatures, eggs and all.  If you want to read exactly where I got this information from, I will include the links to all four articles at the bottom of this post.

Remember Genesis chapter three, these snakes want to bruise our heels, but we shall crush their heads (with a concrete block if need be).

*******************************DISCLAIMER**********************************

The Editor recommends that everyone watch Aragorn's speech at the Black Gate or Theoden's speech at the Fields of Pellenor from The Return of The King before confronting these creatures in mortal combat. I'll post it here for your convenience.

****************************DISCLAIMER ENDS******************************** 

LINKS:Snakes-in-the-grass-Is-the-Burmese-Python-wiping-out-Everglades-mammals

Everglades-snakes-problematic-so-non-native-species-banned

South-Florida-python-swallows-76-pound-adult-deer

Will-Florida-s-Burmese-pythons-move-north-How-far

Special Fan Request Post!!!!!

Recently, one of my followers suggested I write about my top 10 favorite albums of all time.  Ironically, I have been considering doing this sort of post for the last couple of months but I never had any incentive to get it done.  However, this seemed like as good a time as any to get 'er done. I'll start with my honorable mentions which didn't make it into the top ten for a variety of reasons but mainly because they just weren't as good.  I will edit this post soon so you can know why I like  (or dislike) each album, but for now I will just leave you with my list.

Honorable Mentions.

The Beautiful Letdown (Switchfoot), Diverse City (Tobymac), Transformers: The Score (Steve Jablonsky), Unbreakable (Fireflight), and Conquering the Fear (Waverly).

FYI, the percentages correspond to the percent of songs on the album that I actually like.

10. Prince Caspian Score: 60%

9. The Avengers Score: 72.2%

8. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe Score: 79.4%

7. The Dark Knight Score: 80%

6. The Chronicles of Narnia: Music Inspired by the Film: 81.8%

5. Batman Begins Score: 83.3%

4. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Score: 85%

3. X-Men: First Class Score: 85%

2.Fireflight-For Those who Wait: 100%

1b. Inception, The Score: 100%

1a. The Dark Knight Rises Soundtrack: 100%

Christopher, Christopher, come there's a snake!!!!!!!

I do a lot of things.

I catch mice.

I get good grades.

I wash dishes. 

I don't do snakes.

I play with babies.

I work hard.

I read the Bible.

I DON'T DO SNAKES.

Mom takes baby to car.

Mom begins to yell frantically.

I run to the door (ok it was a quick jog).

Mom says there is a snake.

I hope she is kidding.

She is not kidding.

I run and get a shovel (this is why you leave your shovels in the yard instead of in the shed. They are much closer.)

The Fight starts.

Round 1:  I go Hulk smash on the snake.

Round 2: I miss the snake and it gets in the striking position. (My heart beats at 240 beats per minute.)

Round 3: I hit the snake.

Round 4: I miss the snake. I begin to sweat blood.

Round 5: I hit the snake. ( Mom yells advice in the background)

Round 6: I hit the snake, but at a different place. ( I try not to swear in front of mom).

Round 7:I miss the snake as it slowly tries to crawl away.

Rounds 8-11: I hit the snake. x4

Round 12: I stop when the snakes head is facing the same direction as its tail.

I lean back and breath for the first time in 39.53656654566 seconds

I lean the shovel against a tree.

Mom thanks me profusely.

Mom leaves.

I go inside.

Results. Christopher wins in 12 rounds with a knockout.

**************************** Disclaimer*********************************** 
One animal was harmed in the making of this story but to be frank it deserved it, no one attended its funeral and no tears were shed.  

Preview

I just saw The Amazing Spider-Man on Sunday, look for my review on Wednesday. My preliminary thoughts: Go see it, its well worth the money.

Summer Movie Preview/ Review

Two down and three to go.  The Avengers, Done. Prometheus, Done. The Amazing Spider-man, The Dark Knight Rises, and The Bourne Legacy? Not yet done.

On today's docket: 1) Avengers thoughts, 2) Prometheus thoughts, 3) The Amazing Spider-Man: Can it live up to its predecessors? 4) Why TDKR will be better than The Avengers, 5) Bourne is back, kind of?

1: The Avengers

Well, I saw it three times if that gives any indication of how I much I like it.  The story was great, Joss Whedon (the director) did a great job of coming up with a story that cause a viewer to believe that all six of the Avengers would be needed.  As far as the characters go, I thought they all had their moment to shine.  Clearly, the big 4 (Iron Man aka Tony Stark, Cap aka Steve Rogers, Hulk aka Bruce Banner or Giant Green Rage Monster, and Thor aka Thor) were the focus of the the movie yet Black Widow aka Natasha Romanoff and Hawkeye aka Clint Barton still brought something to the table that no one else could.  I felt that of all the characters Hawkeye got the least development but in a movie where ten people are vying for screen time someone is going to get shortchanged. As a whole the score was good but not great.  There were great songs and great parts of songs but as a collective group it didn't come close to Inception's score or even Transformers in my opinion.  The only downside TA has is a lack of emotional depth and peril.  Even though the fate of the world was at stake, I never thought that The Avengers had a chance of losing; it was simply a matter of figuring out how they would win.  I prefer movies were you feel that the protagonist is in danger physically or emotionally and I never felt that way throughout the movie.  Even when Agent Coulson died I thought it was sad but it didn't really bother me. With all my criticism aside, The Avengers is still the most epicest (not a real word) superhero movie ever made and the standard for other summer movies.  I give it a 9.3/10. Get it on Blu-ray and DVD September 25.

2: Prometheus  

I will keep this short because as much as I like the Aliens series and Prometheus they pale in comparison to everything else I'm about to discuss.  I would give it a solid 7/10.  

3: The Amazing Spider-Man

When I first heard that Sony would be rebooting the Spider-man series I had mixed feelings.  I really like Spider-man 1 but I'm not a big fan of redeemable villains so I didn't like the 2 and 3 as much.  I heard how this reboot would be closer to the comics in some respects, like having Peter make his web shooters instead of them being biological.  That peaked my interest so I watched the trailer with bated breath.   The trailer converted me and by converted I mean I will actually go see it theaters.  Whether I see it multiple times is dependent on how much a like it, but I am cautiously optimistic. I will give you all my final verdict after I see the movie next week.

4: The Dark Knight Rises

My tagline for this movie was why it will be better than The Avengers.  It probably should be why I will like it better than The Avengers.  My first, second, and third reasons are Christopher Nolan, Christopher Nolan, and Christopher Nolan.  This man directed my three favorite movies of all time.  Inception is cinematic genius. Nolan is the antithesis of whoever directed the cinematic atrocity that is Mission Impossible 2.  I have no doubt that Nolan will deliver a movie that is more than just a superhero movie. My fourth reason is actually connected to my Avengers review.  My tiny problem with The Avengers was the lack of depth and the fact that I didn't think The Avengers could lose.  I don't have this same confidence for TDKR.  I mean, how many movies are there where it is rumored that the main character will actually die?  On top of that, Christopher Nolan has repeatedly said he will not make anymore Batman movies after this (Warner Bros. already has plans for a reboot slated for 2015 rumored to be called The Batman) which means Nolan has nothing to lose if he wants his protagonist to bite the dust in a blaze of glory.  Plus, the fact that the movie takes place eight years after TDK brings Batman's mortality to the forefront of the movie. Well, that and the fact that his enemy is know for breaking Batman's back over his knee. Anyway, I am super hyped for this movie and I can't wait to see how the legend ends July 20th. Oh, and if you need any extra motivation to see this in theaters it is rumored that the first trailer for Superman: Man of Steel will be shown in front of TDKR. Just sayin'.

5: The Bourne Legacy

Matt Damon? Gone. Enter Jeremy Renner of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Avengers fame. The trailer makes it look like this movie happens either in conjunction or shortly after The Bourne Ultimatum which is an interesting twist.  One of the producers said in a recent interview that he envisions a Damon, Renner team in a sequel to Legacy which would be pretty sweet.  If you haven't seen the trailer I would suggest you look it up because it is pretty sweet. I will definitely being seeing this in the theater. 

Other future movies I'm looking forward to: Skyfall aka New Bond film - October, 2012, The Hobbit- Christmas 2012, Iron Man 3 - May 3, 2013, The Wolverine (X-men origens sequel) - July 26, 2013, and Man of Steel - June 14, 2013

A Day In the Life: Episode 1: First Week of Work

Hello bloggerites, me hopes that you all are having a good week.  This was my first official week at my new job as a Student Ambassador at PVCC (Piedmont Virginia Community College).  On Tuesday, I worked in the Admissions and Advising Center and today I worked at SOAR (Student Orientation, Advising, and Registration), Piedmont's orientation sessions for incoming students.  I work from 8 am to 1 pm.  Now on Tuesday, I was planning to wake up at 7 am so Mom and I could leave at 7:40.  Of course that plan was shot to pieces when I woke up to my Mom walking past my bedroom door at 7:43.  Thanks to some Jason Bourne driving from Mom, I got to work at 8:01.  My duties for the day consisted of preparing for Thursday's SOAR session and some other minor duties.  Overall, I thought that it was a fun and productive day.  Everyone in the center was incredibly welcoming and it was interesting to see what types of questions were asked during my time there.

Wednesday night, I set my alarm clock and my phone alarm just to make sure I would turn off my clock alarm in my sleep again.  Unfortunately, my body also set its alarm at 3,4,5, and 6.  Needless to say, a restful night it was not.  I got up on time and made it to PVCC at 7:55.  After setting up a couple of signs, I sat down in the cafeteria in the main building to guide all of the new students plus their families in the correct direction.  I helped 0 students from 8:20 to 8:55.  It turns out there was a sign on the other side of the main building (where people were parking) and most everyone found the classroom without trouble :(.  After participating in the student/faculty panel I got to watch one of the funniest game show parody's in a long time.  I then helped in the group sessions showing the new students how to sign up for classes and answering any questions they had concerning their classes.  At the end of the day, I thought it was a pretty cool and unique experience and I can't wait to see that game show 11 more times.

TTYL,

                C

Poll Answer

Here is the answer to last weeks poll question.  Cobb's first name is Dominic although he is called Dom for the entirety of the movie.


This weeks poll question is in honor of Marvel's The Avengers which came out a few weeks ago.


Who were the founding members of the Avengers in the comics?  Come back next Monday for the Answer!

P.S.  If you don't know were the poll is, read the previous post.

Blog Orientation

Hey everyone.  I'm re-posting a previous post because a)I changed some things around and 2) I have some newbies reading the blog.  In this post, I will familiarize my blog followers (aka blogowers or folloblogs) with everything this blog contains, with the exception of the blog posts staring you right in the face.

First, at the top left of your computer screen there is a search box.  You can use this to search for old blog posts or a series of connected blog posts.  For example of you want to read my entire How to Catch Vermin series, you can type that in the search box and all of my posts will come up.

Second, the Share button next to the search box allows you to share this blog with your friends on Twitter or Facebook. (Because no one uses email anymore).

Third, there should (and I stress, should) be a "Follow This Blog" button so you can...... follow this blog.  It's pretty self explanatory.  I can't see this button so it may not exist, but I send out emails whenever a new post goes up so its not really a big deal.

Fourth, below the title and new description of my blog you will notice my "Pages" section on the left.  I currently have four pages titled "Home", "My Photos: Mi Familia, Make Yourself Feel Good and Know That Your Smarter Than These People. You Are, Right?" and "My Favorite Political Quotes" (which is probably going to become "My Favorite Quotes" shortly.  Home is the page you start out on with all the posts, My Photos Mi Familia has pictures of me and the fam, and the other two pages have some nice reading material.  To get back to the main page you can click BACK below the end of the page.

Fifth, on the left of the blog posts (and below the pages section) on the main page are three sections: Followers, Blog Archive, and About Me.  The Followers section shows my followers,  The Blog Archive categorizes past posts by month and year, and the About Me contains a little info about yours truly.

(Now listening to Kashmir by Escala .... I wasn't typing that fast, I just pause a lot.)
Sixth, at the bottom of the blog their is a little extra info about myself including my favorite PVCC classes and favorite books.

Lastly, below Favorite Books is the weekly poll.  Every Monday, I will put up a new poll and reveal the answer for the past weeks poll.  This week's poll is about my favorite vacation spot.

Well, I hope someone found this helpful.  Now everyone should be able to navigate this blog like they do their bedroom when it's dark and LEGOs are on the floor.

See you next time, same blog time, same blog channel.

How to Catch Vermin: A Critical Analysis of Catching Stinkbugs

Their stench would cause Chuck Norris to faint.
They can touch the sun and not get burned.
They are experts in evasive flight.
They are..... Stinkbugs, one of the greatest nuisances of our time.

Using my extensive research, I have developed full proof methods to rid your home of these invaders.
Step 1: Grab a napkin
Step 2: Wait for the Stinkbug to land, then grab it with the napkin.
Step 3: Put the stinkbug in the toilet or trashcan.

As you can see, these steps are extremely difficult so don't be surprised if it takes you five or six tries before you can successfully apprehend the invader.

Nonetheless, never lose hope, and remember, if you follow my instructions success will follow you like a stray dog.

I'm Back .... Again. Take 3

          Hello citizens of the free world.  After a four month hiatus I am back to educate y'all on a wide variety of subjects.  Y'all can look forward to the conclusion of my How to Catch Vermin series along with movie reviews (look for my Avengers review next week), my opinion on the NBA playoffs along with any thing else I can think of. Check weekly for more posts, because if you check weekly I don't have to send out a reminder email every time I post something ;).  Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.

Still among the living....

I know you all have missed me so much so here is what I have been doing since my last post.
January: Piedmont again. nuff said.
February: Touched a strange crystal and was trapped in the phantom zone. Phantom mice anyone??
March: Escaped the phantom zone and explained my disappearance to my professors. (A semester of perfect attendance can get you a lot.)
April: 1) Went undercover to investigate Navy seal Hell week. Was forcibly removed.
2) Wrote a paper in Spanish. #anticlimactic

Hopefully I will be able to write more often with school coming to a close but you can expect more posts despues de 7 de mayo (after May 7th ;).

How To Catch Vermin: A Critical Analysis of Catching Mice, Snakes, Spiders, and Camel Crickets (devil bugs). Part 3

Faster than a speeding bullet.

Lighter than a cotton ball.

Able to leap small boxes in a single bound.

Supermice.

These mysterious creatures first appeared this past summer in a little know town called Troyville. While scientists don't know where they came from, they have discovered unknown proteins in their DNA. These proteins seem to account for their enhanced physical attributes which make them extremely difficult to catch. Fortunately, scientists have been able to study four specimens which were handed over by a family in Troyville.  After reading their report and studying the specimens, we have discover a foolproof way to capture and detain this new menace. 

Step 1. Go for the kill. Do not try to capture these "Supermice".  Our sources tell us that not a single one of these creatures has ever been captured alive. It seems they have a natural suicide instinct; when they sense imminent capture, such as being captured in a box, they always end up dead (we suspect cyanide) . Don't waste your time trying to capture them or else you could end up spending an hour in a 12x10 room carrying couches and moving  stacks of DVDs and other movies.

Step 2. Once you have decided to kill the intruder, you must arm yourself with the proper tools. We have been told that that couches are quite effective; however, getting the mouse to climb into the couch could be problematic. In addition, you could end up breaking your couch if the mouse doesn't fall out of the couch when it dies. As you all know, couches were not made to be lifted on one end and shaken. We recommend a baseball bat or even a golf club, preferably a driver or a three wood.

Step 3. How many people does it take to kill a mouse? Five, one to lift the couch the mouse is hiding behind, three to swing the golf clubs (or baseball bats) at the mouse, and one to yell and point where the mouse is running. We recommend that all the participants where helmets and body armor, as black eyes and concussions have been reported.

Thank you for reading the latest issue of Exterminator weekly. Look for our next issue where we teach to you how to rid your home of other vile and voracious vermin.

Remember, if you follow our advice, success will follow you like fleas on a rat.