Christopher, Christopher, come there's a snake!!!!!!!

I do a lot of things.

I catch mice.

I get good grades.

I wash dishes. 

I don't do snakes.

I play with babies.

I work hard.

I read the Bible.

I DON'T DO SNAKES.

Mom takes baby to car.

Mom begins to yell frantically.

I run to the door (ok it was a quick jog).

Mom says there is a snake.

I hope she is kidding.

She is not kidding.

I run and get a shovel (this is why you leave your shovels in the yard instead of in the shed. They are much closer.)

The Fight starts.

Round 1:  I go Hulk smash on the snake.

Round 2: I miss the snake and it gets in the striking position. (My heart beats at 240 beats per minute.)

Round 3: I hit the snake.

Round 4: I miss the snake. I begin to sweat blood.

Round 5: I hit the snake. ( Mom yells advice in the background)

Round 6: I hit the snake, but at a different place. ( I try not to swear in front of mom).

Round 7:I miss the snake as it slowly tries to crawl away.

Rounds 8-11: I hit the snake. x4

Round 12: I stop when the snakes head is facing the same direction as its tail.

I lean back and breath for the first time in 39.53656654566 seconds

I lean the shovel against a tree.

Mom thanks me profusely.

Mom leaves.

I go inside.

Results. Christopher wins in 12 rounds with a knockout.

**************************** Disclaimer*********************************** 
One animal was harmed in the making of this story but to be frank it deserved it, no one attended its funeral and no tears were shed.