Which of These Things is Not Like the Other...

Which of these is not like the other, which of these needs to die?

Glazed doughnut. Chocolate covered glazed doughnut. Chocolate covered glazed doughnut with sprinkles.  Cake doughnut.


Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.  the widely heralded Cake "doughnut ".  Hmmm, what's that?  "Christopher, why is doughnut in quotes?"

Well, as much as I hate to break it to you... Cake "doughnuts" are a wolf in sheep's clothing; a deception perpetrated by the people who told you Santa Claus is real, the ozone layer has a hole, and Mission Impossible 2 is a must see film (it isn't).

Now I know what you all are going to say. "Christopher, this is absurd.  They look exactly the same and they both taste delicious".

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Bishop from Aliens and the Terminator all look as human as Hicks and Kyle Reese (who are actually played by the same actor) but they're both robots.  A cake doughnut does indeed have the external qualities of a regular doughnut, but on the inside... its different. Its special.

A cake doughnut is cake batter put in a doughnut form.  A glazed doughnut is a doughnut in its own form.  A doughnut is a doughnut. Cake is cake.

As far as taste is concerned, they do not both taste "delicious".  One tastes like eating an angelic cloud sprinkled with sugar which comes from the dandruff of baby cherubs while the other tastes like eating a box mix from the Cold War.

Now that I have clearly dismantled the petty arguments of the cake "doughnut-alists", I want y'all to get a real doughtnut, eat it, and then thank the baby cherubs for saving their dandruff for us.