Now that I have you all in the proper state of mind, allow me to back track and explain myself and the purpose of this particular post. For the past few days, I have found myself reflecting on idea of friendship and my particular experiences with it. Specifically, I've been meditating on what it means to lose a friend and how that has effected and impacted my life.
Now, anyone who knows me well enough understands that I'm not the type of person who verbally expresses his feelings to, well, anyone; especially when it comes to how I feel about the people I know. While you could conclude that this is because of a lack of strong emotional ties, it is actually quite the opposite. It is due to the depth of feelings that I'm generally uncomfortable telling friends how much they mean to me.
Before I continue, let me provide some context. Unlike most people, or at least what I perceive about most people, I have had periods of my life where I would say I had no friends. Let me provide my definition of "friend" before you reject this statement. For me, a friend is someone who, when I ask them how they are or what they've been up to, I'm asking out of a desire to know the answer, not out of formality (If I had to create categories to describe my relationships with non-family members I would only have three: acquaintance, friend, and brother from another mother)
From second to fifth grade I knew three guys that would meet my definition of friend. We were all homeschooled and predominately knew each other from being in the same history class. Throughout the school year we saw each other at least once a week and had ample time to play between classes. Our main staples were basketball, tag, and mock war games. These were the glory days, where the amount of time spent having fun far exceeding the amount of time spent on school. Unfortunately this carefree period of connection came to an abrupt halt at the end of fifth grade.
One day close to the end of the semester, my mom told me that my best friend of the three would be moving back to his hometown of Reno, Nevada. Needless to say, I was devastated. This was still the pre-email address stage of my life and even at that age (I believe I was 10 at the time) I understood that it would be hard to keep in contact with him. That being said, I never fathomed that I would never see nor hear from him again, which is the unfortunate reality of the situation. To make matters worse, that very next year my history class, a symbol of friendship and consistency for the past 5 years, dissolved. This was a tough pill to swallow as a introverted eleven year old. It didn't help matters that I was about to enter a period of time where I wasn't particularly close with any of my siblings.
Now, I'm sure you all are thinking, "Well, Christopher, this is a delightfully depressing story but... what's the point?" My point is this: there is a reason Aristotle said, "Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods." As human beings, we are created for relationship; first with God and then with other human beings. The crux of Christianity isn't obeying God, but knowing God. To take a friend, or any relationship for that matter, for granted is to commit a crime against the very fabric of our being.
Fortunately for my story, there is a happy ending. I've been blessed to not only meet guys that I would call friends, but also that I would call brothers. I can go to bed at night confident that if a situation were over to come up, I could count on them to be there for me, either in person or in spirit.
I'll end with a few words of encouragement and a link to my favorite song about friendship. 1) To everyone who has ever lost of friend, regardless of the circumstances, there are some days when you wish (or at least I wished) that you had never known the person. With that being said, it is far better to have experienced that depth of relationship and then lose it rather than never experience it at all. 2) To those who have been blessed enough to have grown up with friends and are still in contact with them, allow me to reiterate myself: don't take it for granted, good friends with whom you can cultivate a strong relationship over a number of years are NOT a dime a dozen. Lastly, to all my friends out there, to my "brotha's from another mother," (you know who you are) know that I am extremely grateful to know you all and I'm a better person for having met the lot of you. A guy couldn't have a better band of brothers.
Well that's all for now. As Paul always said, grace and peace to you, and remember, if you follow my advice, success shall follow you like a stray dog.
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