Goodbye moon

If you have ever read the children's book Goodnight Moon, you know it is a very simple book. Essentially the child says goodnight to all the objects in his/her room before going to bed. May 13, 2011, I will be doing  a similar thing. It will be the best of times, it will be the worst of times. We all knew it would happen one day; however, I find myself sorely unprepared for its ending. May 13, 2011 is the last time Smallville will grace our television screens live. All the characters which we have grown to love, (or hate), will leave us concerned for their fates in offscreenville. No more cliff hanger finales, no more mid season hiatus, no more visiting websites to get spoilers concerning future episodes. No more Smallville.  Yes, we'll still have Young Justice, and Batman the Brave and the Bold but animated shows don't allow you to have a true emotional attachment to the characters like a live action show can. Oh well, maybe someone will make a spin off sometime in the near future. But in till then, after 10 years (4.5 for myself), it is time to say our farewell. Goodbye Clark. Goodbye Lois. Goodbye Ollie. Goodbye Chloe. Goodnight moon.

And you thought Friday the 13th was bad.... Part 1

It was a dark and gloomy morning. It had been raining the night before, and I was cruelly awakened by my alarm clock. Sleepily I hit the snooze button to give myself nine more minutes of bliss. Around two minutes later I lazily rolled over to see how much time I had left before the alarm would make a reappearance. "h'mm, the alarm clock seems to have lost its rosy complexion." I thought to myself (the numbers are red). Then I noticed that our fan was slowing down...and neither I nor my brother had turned it off. It was a mystery!! I sprang out of bed and grabbed my watch to see what time it was when it hit like me like a whiff of Jared's diaper. THE POWER IS OUT (all caps is added to show the seriousness of the situation).  After making this discovery, I scoured the house to make sure everyone else was aware of the travesty. After using my GBA (Gameboy Advance) as a light as a quickly relieved myself in total darkness, I preceded to fetch some breakfast from the refrigerator. Then the eternal wisdom of my mother entered my mind. "never open a refrigerator when the power is out. The food will spoil". Heeding the words of my mother I proceeding to eat a lean breakfast of raisins and cheese nips. Then the unthinkable happened. One of my sisters, who shall remain nameless, walked out of her room and opened the fridge to see what lie within to satisfy her hunger. I sat there, motionless and numb due to the shock. After watching her do it twice more, it took all of my strength to re-swallow my breakfast.  Eventually my father appeared from the depths of his room and we proceeded to leave for work, tired and hungry (kinda how I feel after work).  Jokingly he said he hoped that the street lights would be working. If only we had known that this was just the beginning.

                                               Welcome to.................

                                                                  WEDNESDAY THE 13TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be continued.......

the funnies

When  I sat down at the computer I had decided to write about the basketball tournament a was in last week. However, as I was waiting for Inspiration to come I began to browse old e-mails that my dad had sent me. Then I was inspired. I have decided to In close a few of my favorite jokes of all time. (If you are offended don't blame me just blame my dad. I just posted it.) I will include a short summary in order to enhance you viewing pleasure.

P.S.new pages 1.2 and 2.1 contain the all-time greatest e-mails ever. Do not drink while reading.


This person is not that bright

I was in the bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Crafty joke



One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs.... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.


Sarcasm joke

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow

for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line

when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.



What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was

starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50

pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out

of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms..



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with

my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because

the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff

an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.


I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.


Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the

world to think of crazy things to say.

Last one....

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

& Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

& Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

& Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, the manufacturer will stop making it.

& Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Sugru

For my engineering class, we have been learning about polymers. As a result, we have learned about a new substance called Sugru. I had to write a paper describing Sugru and its creation for my engineering class. Then suddenly I had a thought, "Hey, since I'm writing this incredibly detailed paper for my engineering class, I should post my paper on my blog so my faithful and devoted followers can read it." Basically, I am killing two birds with one stone. (No mom, this is not a cop out, this is creativity at its best.) So here is my paper in all its glory.

Note: Hack means to find a clever solution to a problem you have.

Sugru is the creation of Jane ní Dhulchaointigh, an Irish woman who was inspired to create the material by objects she encountered in her every day life.  The main reason Jane decided to create Sugru stemmed from her desire to stop replacing items that she already owned.  To create this mystery substance Jane recruited two material scientists, Ian and Steve, to bring the substance to life. After seven years of following the design cycle (understanding, brainstorming, constructing, testing, and reviewing), the mystery substance came to life in the form of Sugru.  Officially called formerol, Sugru is a silicone based polymer.  A polymer is a chain of large molecules. Polymers are known for their elasticity, strength and toughness. In its initial state, Sugru’s properties resemble Play-Doh, it is malleable and can be molded and shaped into many different designs.  However, Sugru’s usefulness rests not only in its initial clay-like state, but also in a hard, durable state as well.  After being exposed to air, you have thirty minutes to mold the Sugru into the shape or form you wish to create. Once molded, the Sugru needs to around twenty four hours to cure before it sets.  Following the curing process, Sugru becomes a tough and flexible compound that is water and heat resistant and can also stick other materials. Sugru is heat and cold resistant from negative sixty degrees Fahrenheit to three hundred and fifty degrees Fahrenheit. Due to its many resistances, Sugru has many uses.  People have used Sugru to fix glasses, repair shoes, and create grips for cameras and other hand-held devices.  Using Sugru on every day objects can increase the durability and decrease the wear and tear the objects go through. Conveniently, Sugru is also dishwasher and washing machine safe, allowing it to be used on dishes, glasses, and clothes.  Thanks to Jane ní Dhulchaointigh, we no longer need to worry about holes in our shoes, or replacing a bowl because it has a small chip in it. All we have to do is grab  some Sugru and hack it!